If Only You Knew
by alltotheone
Summary: When a forbidden attraction turned into an undeniable, heart-shattering betrayal. Cammie finds herself asking the hardest questions ever: Will her marriage to Zach survive or will it crash and burn? And what does love really mean? If Only You Knew
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is a story I've had for a long time, but never published. So here it is. Give me your comments at the end please!! **

**ENJOY!!! (:**

**~i'm your forever destiny~ **

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After packing up every trace of a male presence from the house and into a box, she surveyed the room and noticed the house had become fore feminine. Her eyes roamed to the empty space above the stone fireplace where his "lucky" fishing pole used to hang. Next to that should've been their wedding photo. They moved across the room and down the hall, where they finally stopped at the closet that used to hold his golf clubs but now was full of her shoes and purses. Did she feel regret for doing this? Nope. Any pain from parting with him? Nope. Did she want to cry as a result of the anguish he caused her? Nope. The time to do so has long passed.

Grabbing that last box, she walked out the door, down the porch steps, and onto the well-manicured green grass. The grass the he used to cut weekly. She placed the box in her arms onto the grass beside all the other boxes. There were 21 in total. She opened every box, plopped down into the beach chair she set up, and waited for customers. Two minutes and fifteen seconds passed by when a man and his significant other walked up to her.

"Are you having a yard sale?" asked the man.

"Yep. Feel free to look around. I can guarantee you the best price" she answered.

Over the next few hours, people came and went, buying the items on display. As more people mingled onto her yard, she zoned out and thought of the one item she left in the house that reminded her of him: a panel of stain glass where two swans formed a heart on a deep blue background. That was his present for her months ago. She remembered how she held it up against the bright California sun and watched the colors dance across their bedroom wall. How he put his hands over hers and warned her to be careful.

"It's fragile," he cautioned. "It bends. It breaks under pressure."

She hadn't taken his words to heart. She finally noticed, far too late, that those words had been a warning, begging to tell her that they referred to bother herself and their marriage.

Snapping out of her daze, she noticed customers lined up in front of her. Quickly apologizing, she gave them cheap prices and they left. She counted her profits and glanced around to see the leftovers. There were a couple of boxers, a few socks, and a shoelace. His clubs and fishing rod were the first to go, followed by his suits. She threw the leftovers into one box just as his car pulled into the driveway. She moved the box next to the garbage can so that the garbage men would take it away tomorrow.

Her husband stepped out of his car.

"Hi" he said, "I missed you."

She made no response. Noticing the boxes, he said, "getting rod of stuff? It's a nice day for a yard sale."

He walked into the house, and 30 seconds later, he stormed out of the house. His face was as red as a tomato. The sunset made him look as if he were on fire.

"I'm sorry," she said coolly, meeting his raging stare with her impassive ones. She opened her arms wide. "There's nothing left." Sidestepping him, she walked up the steps, opened the front door, and shut it behind her without a glance backwards.

--

Nursing an ice tea, Cammie thought about how her marriage with Zach went down the drain. It all started with the mission: a global celebrity was being stalked and sent death notes and pictures of him everywhere. It was freaking him out. It didn't really matter to the CIA until they noticed the CoC stamp watermarked on the bottom right corner. That's where the infamous Alicia Harper came into the picture.

Alicia, M16 agent, looked drop dead gorgeous. No wonder Zach had cheated. The mission was just how they met, but the rest…it was just too painful to think about. Zach had changed. Their marriage used to be full of passion and undying love. Cammie scolded herself again and again for not noticing the signs: his refusal to her offers of sex, his unemotional kisses, how he always dazed off, and how he always had a smile when _her_ name came up. It was so obvious, so why couldn't she, the spy, notice it?

She was so dumb to not notice. And yet, she still loves him. And still, he didn't realize that she was pregnant.

She couldn't handle the pounding on the door anymore and gave up on ignoring. Standing up, she walked to the door, opened it, and saw the face that brought back so many memories.

"What do you want?" she asked with a clipped tone.

"Cammie. What the fuck have you done?"

"You're asking me that? Maybe you should've thought about that before you threw our marriage down the drain by sleeping with that slut!" she screamed.

Zach's face was of confusion, until it turned to realization, and into horror.

"Cammie…oh God…"

"Yeah! You better be sorry! Do you realize what you put me through? Every night you were gone, I thought you were in a life or death situation and that I'd lose you. Instead, you were probably somewhere with that…bitch! But then again, I did lose you." Tears streamed down her face and she cradled her slightly bumping stomach.

"I waited night after night for you. You know how stupid I was? I found her panties in our drawer, but I didn't think through that because I BELIEVED that you were faithful and that she just forgot them at our house. I TRUSTED YOU!" she screeched.

"Cam…"

"SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!! Goddamn it Zach. What happened? I thought you loved me. I thought…" she hiccupped, "that we were happy. What did I do wrong? Was I just not good enough? Too ugly? To dumb?" Cammie was full on crying.

"Please…Cam," Zach started to try to hug Cammie, tears glistening in his eyes.

She wrapped her arms tighter around her belly. "GET AWAY!!"

Zach noticed how she was protecting her belly and not herself.

"Cam…why are you holding your stomach?"

She laughed through her tears. "I though you were smarter than that Zach. I'm pregnant. You son of a bitch. This kid is yours. Yeah. That's right. I'm pregnant. But you'll never see this baby.

"I wonder what I ever did to deserve this. I have a failed marriage where my husband is unfaithful and am expecting a baby. I hate you. I hate you so much." She was talking to herself by now. When she noticed Zach trying to get closer, she moved backwards, avoiding his touch.

"Oh no you don't! I never want to see you again Zach. Go back to Alicia. You chose her over this baby and me. This was the surprise I had for you. I knew you wanted a child so badly, and I did too. I thought you'd be happy.

"Goodbye Zach. Have a nice life without me." Cammie closed the doors and turned off all the lights.

Zach stood outside, then sat down on the porch with his head in his hands. _If only you knew it was a mistake Cam...a stupid mistake, but still a mistake…_

--

Cam went downstairs that night, getting a drink of water. What she didn't expect was to see her husband…soon to be ex-husband…standing up and facing her.

"I'm sorry I came in, but I have to talk to you."

"GET OUT!!"

"Cam. Just listen. Please."

"I don't have to do anything you say! Why should I listen to you? You are in no place to make demands. You lost that privilege when you cheated Zach."

He winced.

"Please. Look, I made a huge and terrible mistake. It was never supposed to happen. It's just that with the stress of chief and everything, it just happened. And before I knew it, it kept happening until I couldn't control it. And I guess you found out."

"I was your wife. I was supposed to be the one you came to when you were stressed out. Instead, you turn to another woman. Do you know how that's supposed to make me feel? Imagine yourself in my position and you finding out that I'm having an affair with another guy."

He winced again.

"I know that's a bad excuse, but please. Trust me."

He regretted the words once they came out of his mouth.

"TRUST YOU? HA! How can I trust you after everything you put me through? You expect me to trust you after a six-month affair? Even if I took you back, all I'd be thinking of is if you're cheating on me every time you left the house. I can't do that Zach. Not to me and not to the baby."

"Give me one last change Cam. I promise I can make everything better. I will make it right by you. I'll do whatever it takes."

"You said you'd be by me forever and that you'd cherish me forever at our wedding Zach…and that obviously never happened. I'm just not right for you."

She started to walk away.

"That's where you're wrong Cam, you're perfect for me. I'm the stupid one for letting you go. You're smart and you're funny. You don't notice how beautiful you are, which is the most beautiful thing in the world. You don't realize that there are many guys out there who want to be with you. I love how you can't cook, but spend hours trying to do so for me. I love how you'll yell at me for hours and then take me back. I love how you always manage to make me smile and give up my cover. I love how you bring out the best in me. I love you for you."

Cam trembled and started crying. Zach pulled her into his arms.

"Please baby. I'm just asking for a second chance. I'll never leave the house without you and you'll always be by my side. Forever and always. I know we're meant to be and I know that you know too."

"Zach…" she sobbed.

"Oh Cammie." He held her tightly and whispered her name over and over again into her hair.

"I don't know if I can do it. It just hurts."

His heart clenched. She was hurting, and he was the one who put her in that position. He cradled her body. He picked her up bridal style and carried her up to their room where he laid her on the bed gently, afraid of hurting their baby. He cautiously lay down beside her, afraid that she'd kick him out. Amazingly, she let him lie beside her. Her body still fit into his like a piece of a puzzle. He stroked her hair and when he thought she was asleep, he got up to leave. Her voice rang out through the empty bedroom.

"You were right you know. The stain glass is fragile, but you didn't realize that I was too," Cammie whispered.

"I know. And I wish you knew how sorry I am because of that."

"Words are just words. You should know that Zach," she turned to face him. "It's actions that matter. You have to show me that you love me."

He didn't know what to do.

"Come to bed Zach."

He stood there, thinking she was joking.

"Don't make me regret it."

He climbed into bed, first with uncertainty, then with joy. He forgot how perfect she felt around him. He made a daring move by putting his hands on her stomach, resting on their baby. She turned around to face him and just stared at him.

"I hope I don't regret saying this, but I love you and this baby and I hope we can fix this out." She lowered her head, embarrassed.

He pulled up her chin with a finger and looked her in the eyes.

"You have no idea how glad I was to hear that," and kissed her with as much passion as they once had.

And thus, the path to healing started. Each kiss a stone in the road to their future together.

"**For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.****"**

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**I LOVE THAT QUOTE!! -insert heart-**

**review for me!!**

**and for a cookiE!!!**

**~foreverdestiny~**


	2. AN: Goodbye FF

**Hi all.**

I would like to thank EVERYONE out there in FanFiction land who has supported me and my stories from my first ever chapter through my hiatus. And I feel terribly guilty when I say that I will not be returning to FF anytime soon.

Instead of removing my account along with the stories that come with it, I'm leaving them here, after much debate. Truthfully, I don't like my stories because I wrote them in middle school/ high school and just the level of writing makes me cringe. But if anyone finds my works being plagiarized out in the world wide web, I'd deeply appreciate some notice.

So adieu, my FF lovlies.

You can come find me on **FP**, if you wish. Fair warning: I've not written anything. But if you do, message me for my user.

Much **love**, much _joy_, much happiness,

Jennifer(:


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